How Do I Ask Someone Out?

How Do I Ask Someone Out?

If I could put this answer in one word, CONFIDENTLY.  Your chances of success go way way up if you seem confident asking someone out, it's just that simple.  If you come across as confident, whether you are male or female, whether you are seeking male or female, you will instantly be more desirable.  We are all somewhat drawn to confident people, and this is exactly why being confident is such a good idea.  Being confident helps in almost any situation, whether you're asking out someone you have known for a long time, a best friend, or someone you just met, I cannot think of any time that being confident could be a bad thing.


So What Exactly Does It Mean To Be Confident?  What Does Being Confident Look Like?

Always make sure you are being confident and NOT cocky!  Being confident doesn't mean bragging about your car, how talented you are, or your many accomplishments; no, confidence is being comfortable in your own skin and feeling right at home in any situation, keeping your cool, always feeling like you belong where you are, and making lots of eye contact, especially when you're talking with someone.  Use strong body language; don't put your hands in your pockets and slump over, instead stand up straight, cross your arms at your chest like a bouncer does, put your hands on your hips, or just leave your arms at your sides.  You should also dress and do your hair, makeup, etc., so that you feel like you look good, since that will give you a ton of confidence right from the start, and it never hurts to look your best when asking someone out.  Keep a sly smile on your face, like you know something no one else does, and when you're not smiling, make sure you're not looking like you're mad, sad, frustrated, or in any way experiencing negative emotions or not having a good time.  That can be a turn-off for most people; they want to have fun and want to hang out with happy, fun people.

If someone else comes up and starts talking to the person you're wanting to ask out, keep your cool!  This is a great opportunity to show how confident you are.  You don't have to try and interrupt the other person or talk over them or one-up them; just stand/sit there confidently and patiently, and from time to time, share a smile with the person you are asking out when they look at you, like you two are sharing in an inside joke.  Let the other person talk, but keep yourself in the conversation by responding insightfully or with a witty joke to the things they are saying.  Don't go over the top; just respond enough to remind the other person and the person you're after that you are still there.  If they aren't going away or it starts to feel awkward, just tell the person you're wanting to ask out that you're going to go to "blank" and do "blank", and you will talk to him or her later, then walk away.  Don't look sad or let down, just keep that sly smile; you'll get your chance soon enough.  Once you finally have some privacy, go for it and just ask her out!


What If They Say No???

Another part of being confident is not losing your confidence, regardless of the situation.  If they happen to say no, just say "Okay; if you change your mind, you know where to find me.", and walk away still smiling.  Odds are, if you have acted confidently they will at least give you a chance and say yes to a date.  If they do say no, there is always a chance they will change their mind later, and there are always plenty of other fish in the sea!  Don't roll over and give up if you get shot down once, you just have to get back up, dust yourself off, and try again.  Look at it as a learning experience, a chance to get better.  Look back and figure out what you think you could have done better or just differently, and how that might have affected the outcome.  Was the place you chose to ask them out getting in the way of your goal?  Was there too much or too little going on there?  Was it even possible to speak to her privately without others being able to hear?  They may have said no because they were embarrassed to talk about that kind of thing in front of your friends or their friends or just other people in general.


Where/When Is It Best To Ask Them Out?

When and where you decide to ask someone out can make the difference between a yes and a no.  Most people don't like talking about things like going on dates in front of other people, so anywhere that it will be hard to have any privacy with them is probably not a good choice.  If it is someone from your school, that may be one of the best  laces for asking someone out.  At school, it can be a good idea to ask someone out while you are in class together.  They are likely pretty bored in class, so it might make going on a date with you seem that much more enjoyable.  I would recommend you do this via text, Facebook message, or old school using an actual note.  This way you don't risk getting called out by the teacher and embarrassing ther person you want to ask out in front of the whole class (probably best not to use an old school note for this same reason).  If they happen to look over at you after you send it, try to give them a little nod along with the most attractive smile you can manage.  REMEMBER TO ACT CONFIDENT!!!

Another great place to do this at school is while studying in the library.  Since studying can be quite boring as well, you also get the bonus of asking them to do something fun while they are bored just like during class.  Here however, you can feel free to ask them face to face since there is no teacher here, but this may still not be the best option since there are likely to be other people around, so you may still want to message or text them instead.  A great situation would be if you asked them to study with you at the library, then asked them out while you were studying and enjoying each other's company.  If they enjoy studying with you, they will likely assume that doing something fun with you will be that much more enjoyable.  It would probably be best not to ask them out until the end of your study date, since it would be extremely awkward if you asked as the start of your study session and they said no!


So What Exactly Do I Say To Ask Them Out????

The actual words you choose to use to ask someone out can also have a huge effect on what someone will say back to you.  You could start by inviting them to come hang out with you and a group of mutual friends.  People are usually much more open and comfortable when they are in a group, so this can be a great way to get your foot in the door as it also doesn't feel nearly as pressured as straight up asking them out on a date as a couple.  Once you are both out with your friends, it is a great time to strike up some conversation with them and get to know them a little better, and get a general idea of what sorts of things you have in common and your likes/dislikes.  This information can help you formulate the perfect setting for a date later on; they are much more likely to say yes if you are asking them to go to a place and/or do something they really enjoy.  This will also give you a much better sense of how compatible you are with one another; you may have just been attracted to someone only to find out you have nothing in common and they are completely not your type.  If you happen to already know this person well, you may just want to go ahead and skip the hanging out with mutual friends part and simply ask them if they would like to do something together with you.

So you are probably saying to yourself, "well that is all well and good, but what exactly do I say when it finally comes time to ask them out?".  As I said before, choosing the right words can be crucial, and this choice depends greatly upon your particular set of circumstances.  I will try to lay out the most common and effective ways to ask someone out, and you should be able to figure out which will work best for you from there.  

The most common phrase you'll hear about is "Hey, do you wanna go out sometime?".  I don't feel that is a very strong choice, since it doesn't give any specifics about what you want to do or when you want to do it.  I think it makes you look more confident and attractive to already have a general idea in mind of what you want to do with them and a rough time-frame for when you want to do whatever it is you're wanting to do with them.  For example, for the rough time-frame you could say "this weekend" or "this Friday" (or whatever day of the week you want).  With all this in mind, a better approach would be to say something like this; "Would you like to go to the movies with me this weekend?" You could also just leave out the "with me" part to make it sound less like a full on date if you decide that would be better for you. 

Take the opportunity to ask someone out if it presents itself.  If a conversation leads into something you know they like, such as bowling, movies, sports events, school events, television events, etc., take that opportunity to ask them out.  Simply say "We should go watch that movie/go bowling/watch the ball game/watch that show together, what do you think?"  That is a good way to ask someone out if you are only wanting to go out on a date with them and see where that leads.


What If I Mean I Want To "Ask Someone Out" (To Be My Boyfriend/Girlfriend)?

If you are talking about "asking someone out" as in you want to ask someone to be your girlfriend or boyfriend, you will take a different approach.  Usually if you are wanting to ask someone out in this way, you already know them fairly well and may already be friends or acquaintances.  So you will likely already know some of their hobbies, likes, and dislikes; if you don't, then you definitely want to find these things out before you ask them out. 

Most of the same things I said before still apply in this situation as well, particularly the part about being confident.  In fact, being confident is probably more important here than if you're just asking someone out on a date.  In this situation you are asking someone to be your exclusive significant other, meaning in most circles that you both agree you want to be with only each other and no other person.  In this situation, people are definitely more apt to be looking for someone who seems well put together and confident, dresses well and takes good care of themselves.  It is usually a good idea to go ahead and fix yourself up a little more than usual when you plan to ask someone out; sometimes this can make them see that you are even more attractive than they might have thought originally, giving you an air of mystery and making you all the more appealing.  

You may ask someone out on a few dates first to get a feel for how well you mesh together before you actually ask them to be your significant other, and I highly recommend this, especially if you do not know them all that well.  You will also get to know a lot more about their likes and dislikes, and how much you both have in common.  These things will play a major role in how well your relationship works once you become exclusive and start spending a lot of time together.

There are many different approaches to asking someone to be your significant other; you could be romantic and be intentionally over the top about it, you could try to be cool and ask like its no big deal, you could even ask a friend to bring the question up to them for you to see how they react, it all depends on your situation and the type of person you are asking out.  This is where it becomes so important to know all you can about the person you're wanting to ask out.  The more you know about this person, the better you can choose the best approach for asking them out.  

 When you finally decide to go on and ask the person out, you may want to start out by telling them you have been wanting to talk to them about something.  Then you should start by telling them all about how much fun you have with them, and how much you enjoy spending time with them.  Give them a second or two to respond; they will probably either say something about how they also enjoy spending time with you, or they will just stay silent and wait for you to continue because they really want to see where you are going with this.  If it looks like they are waiting for you, then just go ahead and start talking about how you would like to start spending even more time with them, that you have been thinking a lot about them lately, and finally that you would like to know if they wanted to be your boyfriend/girlfriend.  Wait a few seconds to see if they immediately say something back in response, or if they don't say anything right off you could continue talking about how much fun you have together and that you don't want to ruin it or make it weird.  Tell them that if they don't want to do that right now that you are okay with that and you still want to be just like you are now, so there's no pressure to answer yes to save the friendship.  Also tell them that if they want to think about it first that you completely understand, that you thought about it a long time before you decided to say anything to them about it as well.  If they don't want to answer right away, just give them some space and let them know that when they are ready you will be there.  

One really fun and memorable way to ask someone out is to do it at a public even like a sports event.  This sounds counter-intuitive, I know, because earlier I said to get privacy since they won't be as comfortable talking about these things in front of other people.  This is one method for asking someone out where you can set that rule aside.  This approach is quite romantic and shows a lot of confidence and bravery on your part, but it is awful if they say no, because everyone else will know they said no too!  Therefore, you have to be careful using this approach.  You may want to get some info from their friends or mutual friends about whether they think she would say yes before planning something like this.  Getting the go ahead from their friends that they definitely like you and will probably say yes will go a long way in helping you feel confident when you plan is about to go into action, and will make you look that much more appealing to them.  This method is also great because it really shows that you are not one bit shy about letting everyone know that you want to be with this person and only this person, which will mean a lot to them.  Some good examples of this approach are things like asking someone out during a school pep rally in front of lots of people, asking them using a the jumbo screen at sporting events, standing up in front of everyone in the cafeteria and asking them out, or asking them out while riding on a bus either to school, from school, to a sports game, or on a field trip.  Even though it may be embarrassing for them, people usually love this because it takes guts and confidence on your part, and takes a lot of forethought and planning to pull it off right.  

Now a days, it is perfectly acceptable to ask someone out via text, phone call, social media, or using other technology rather than doing it face to face.  Some people may prefer this approach because they don't have to get up the courage to ask someone face to face, and the person being asked may prefer it because they won't have someone right there in their face expecting an immediate answer.  The downside to this approach is that it might seem impersonal, or like you didn't put much thought or effort into it.  It may also make it seem like you don't have enough confidence to ask them in person, which could also be a bit of a turn-off.  I would recommend this approach if you spend a lot of time talking to each other this way already and/or it is well known that you both like each other but just haven't made it official yet.


Questions? Comments?

I have said a great deal in this post about asking people out, and I'm sure some of you have plenty of questions and/or need clarification on some of what I have said.  Please feel free to comment on the post and let me know what's eating at you, or tell me your specific situation and I will post a response.  I truly hope this information helps you with your plans to ask out that special someone, and be sure to let me know if there is anything more I can do to help!  Thanks for reading!

How This Blog Will Be Set Up

I have given a lot of thought as to how best to set up posts and topics in a blog like this one, and after much deliberation, I believe the best set up will be a "question and answer" kind of format.  In other words, I will take common questions as post titles and the post will be about answering the question and giving advice in that area.

At first I will just use commonly asked questions I find on the web, and later on after I start getting comments on different posts with your own personal questions, I will start making posts that specifically ask and answer your questions.  Therefore, I highly encourage commenting on any of my posts that you find useful.  Let me know how things worked out for you, or ask any questions you may have, or explain some specifics of your situation and I will respond to that with a new post.

I truly hope everyone that finds this blog feels that the information here is helpful to them in some way, and I hope that I can be even more helpful once I start receiving comments and questions from readers!

The Goals of This Blog

The number 1 goal of this blog is simple: To help you better understand and deal with any issues that arise in your relationships, so that you will be able to improve these relationships and ultimately live a happier life.

If you are living a happier life, the people in your relationships will also be living happier lives.  Everyone has at least part of their goal in life to be happy and make those around them happy.  If for some reason any relationship you have is not making you happy, there are almost always things you can do to change that.  Sometimes certain things in the relationship can be changed, other times you just needed to talk to the other person or persons about things.  In some instances the only solution may be to end the relationship, or take time away from one another.

Choosing how to deal with problems in relationships can be difficult and complex, and it almost always helps to get advice from an outside source that isn't emotionally involved in the situation, and that is where this blog comes in.  I have experienced every kind of relationship from the most rewarding and happy ones, to the most toxic, emotionally and mentally devastating ones, and I decided I want to use all this experience to try to help others avoid learning things the hard way like I did.  My hope is that this blog will help you have the most rewarding and fulfilling relationships possible throughout your life, and when problems inevitably arise, I hope this blog will help you to quickly and effectively deal with any sort of problems that may stand in the way of your happiness.